Cracked Sidewalks.

-M

Rainbow.

The ground pushes the roots upwards towards the sky,
hoping that rain will come.
The soil gets loosened as the roots rise and the sun shines,
 but rain never comes.
So he hopes with fragile hope in is heart and a spirit-filled mind,
and dreads the outcome he will find,
Sunny all week, with no chance of rain.

Puncturing the ground with his fists, trying to make sense of all this,
he picks up a shovel and digs.
With dirt on his hands and fear in his heart,
he lunges forward to try to get back to the start.
He carries more than some gallons of despair
to the hole he just dug with his broke, barren bones.

Filling the hole with his tears, while his prayers eject like some nervous heartbeats,
and his legs swallow the earth below him, the dark, stirring waters start rising.
With love in his heart for his babies and the feeling of not a better tomorrow,
he dove right in and swam toward the sky.

The sun shone down upon the stricken ground,
while the sky shed it's rain and the wind whimpered a soft tune,
a promise came in a rainbow.
I ran to the end to see if there was gold,
 but instead I saw a waterless, sunless bed of rooted roses that had no mold.

Shifts.

Swiping smiles for frowns has been the order of the season.

Knowing right from left, used to be easy, but now I can't seem to know how to walk.

To give up would be to let him win, but I know I am stronger.

I am tired of taking the long routes around to get the lay of the land, because I realized I have been on the wrong interstate all along. 

I day-dream about running my 2007 Xterra into cement walls to hopefully help break My walls down,

but then I realized my insurance would go up. 

Working.

I work for love, for acceptance, for worthiness.

I get all three but I can't seem to let it jump my walls, like the illegal aliens do everyday.

Thats right, illegal aliens.

I take everyones shifts without them asking because I have to work harder to find these things.

I will work for free and even though you try to work for me, I think You are a coward, and only do it out of pity.

Nothing serious comes my way because my heart doesnt take 15 min breaks, thus making me a machine, or a robot, or cold.

I just want to feel.

Giving birth, I will undoubtedly feel.

I lose everyone I love because my "love" is not love.

I thought I knew who I was, imagine that being shattered and thrown in your face like a pie at a carnival.

I can't breath anymore and breaths I take I regret because then its more work I have to do to fix it.

Words are work, because mine carry heartache and bowling balls.

But puzzle pieces create pictures that are undoubtedly beautiful, so I will trust that mine are fixable.

-M

Disabled.

The Pain in my stomach leads to my chest and circles around straight back to my head,

what do I make of this painful mess?

The sweat from my palms streams down to floor that I once built leggo towers on when I only had two teeth and could count to four.

Difficulties pave the path for stronger roads, but why do I feel like I am just standing still?

And if difficulties pave roads then my mine leads to china and circles the earth five times.

Knowing how to fix a break is like surrendering ALL of yourself to God,

exhausting.

All I know is that I knew.

I knew how to love,

I knew what it looked like,

I felt it.

Then one night was all it took  to get my aesthetic self beaten.

I still can't see through new eyes and try to place myself in God's eyes, or anywhere near them, but I know now and I am in repair, I just hope he gets the right parts back where they are supposed to be.

-M

Muscle Memory.

 I find myself staring directly at this graphic and wanting to pummel my heart directly at it, so it has easier access. No denying that this statement makes me heart drum and my soul hum, but no denying that is scares me that I think that way. Since when did I drench myself in one person so much that I couldn't ring myself out? Where was my time slot to withdraw so that my heart could pay a Small fee to escape from this misery of Love, I guess I missed the dates. I made a peculiar, unhealthy vow to myself to not let anyone in again, because I was left by the most important person in my life, but every time I built a wall, he already knew the blueprint, so he was all ready with a jackhammer in hand. My wise friend Lucy once said that hearts have muscle memory too, well she couldn't have stated it more logically, because they do. My heart knew I was letting someone back in, and its memories were flooding my heart space, so you would have to grab a raft to stay afloat on these shabby waters love, because I have been known to sink more than a few hearts.

But who Am I kidding.

I sink, so I can swim,

so when I walk on water,

my eyes don't wander.

He Loves me, I sometimes wonder if I REALLY am loving him back.

After all, I thought pluto was still a planet.

-M

MAY.

-M

Seasick.

Missed Your moment of opportunity,

because I swam across the sea,

and I never thought you would be the one,

to wanna swim with me.

I said the journey was quite long,

but there was nothing stopping you,

so you grabbed some seaweed that you tied to the top of

your shoes.

The waves shoved the ground like a piece of shipwreck against the sand,

and you held tight to my hand.

The wind was wispy just like my hair,

 and you asked how far you could love me till' land.

Love was a word that I never knew, It was a word that

was said to secure some space in one's heart,

So you don't feel worthless when the world says you are.

My heart has not met love. So love me be' but 

know this lonely island might come quicker than you thought.

The waves are getting high and my heart is drowning.

So I looked for the closest rock to catch my breath and catch a nap.

When I woke up you were right beside me, towel and map in hand.

I said thank you and asked why the map.

You said:

"Fear might be the journey but love is the country,"

 and You pointed straight to my heart.

-M

Insect.

-M

Sappy.

I have this friend, who is a boy and now I call him a boyfriend.

I couldn't be more Happy, which makes me sappy. 

He holds my hand while healing my heart, 

And says I am the greatest thing that has ever happened to him.

We are careful with words, like we are careful with our hearts,

which makes me trust him and not look for the exit signs.

To love is to care, we learn together, which will be one of the greatest emotional explorations I will ever  take. 

Here's to the future bug.

-M

Black as pokemon, White as night.

I wish I could see the future, and say"We were right," but present me knows that wrong sometimes seems the rightest thing in the moment. We rock each others ears with strong words to make sure our ropes are tight enough to hold during these calloused times, but bug these skid marks, mark  my soul like a carver's knife to his sculpted masterpiece and I can't get those splinters back. You play games with safe outcomes, but bug you have more game in you then ya think and I would like to challenge you to more than a friendly match. The rightest thing lost its direction, and forgot its passport, so lets throw caution to the wind and hope we can hail a taxi, you wanted to drive one right?

The thought of you trickles left and right and I need waterproof boots, but I will take a dip to see if it's the right temperature because my heart adjusts to you.

You said "Get the white Pokemon and I'll get the black."

I responded " White as night and black as day, but you are the rightest thing in my life."

-M

I

100%.

-M

Unpackable.

The pieces of you heart are shattered.

 Condensing them would only be a temporary fix, but you like to love so you mold them back together and hope that they will find their way.

The steps you took when you were young were fragile, because you were little and your heart could not take much more, but you loved.

The greatest commandment to you is love your neighbor, but yea see, if you keep giving that love for free than you would be considered a bargain, and you sir are much more valuable than that. 

Your weight is light but your heart makes up for it in valuables that according to the airlines you would have to pay an additional twenty five dollars for so you don't bother with it. 

"Too heavy," -you ask.

"No, because it seems we weigh the same." So we combine our shattered lives and hope their nooks match.

You are the lightest thing in my life, in more ways than one.

-M