Facing.

There is this type of pain that can only be defeated if faced head on. " The only way to get through it is to go through it." They say.
It's a testament of strength to acknowledge and then pursue such heartache with your eyes wide open. My Heart is breaking but I know the only way to let go, is to go through it. So I am going to do exactly that.

-M


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Gates.

Time hurry up and heal these wounds of mine because I can't shake these honest lies, I can't break these growing vines. You say that life can't be fixed overnight, well come and sing me a lullaby cause' I can't feel much tonight. I am a man in a tunnel with no light at the end so do me a favor and make it all end so I can tend to a better life. Go on judging me, acting like you know me, your time will come at those judgment gates, with nail marked hands and murderer slapped across your face.
-M

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Blood buzz.

I fall back in your arms because it is tangible, instant security. Real? With every deep sigh I take I can only hope so. He doesn't love you the way I need him too. So I fall back in my chair facing the sun because I can't face the fear of losing him. I have come so far, seen too much, and felt so deeply. You would think foolishness decreases the older you get but it's quite the opposite. You learn just enough to know how to drown out the truths, build up the walls, and fake the happiness. But I am happy, I just don't know if its real or generated. I am on a seesaw of emotions and I just can't seem to find any solid ground to land on. I know this dance very well but I refuse to let go of his hand. The blood rushes through his hands and reach the tip of mine but mine or frozen shut due to all the past lies. Breathe, he tells me. Trust, he whispers. Sometime I just feel like I have seen to much to accept this kind of love.

-M


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Teacups.

The spinning of bodies, circling around like frisbees ready to be caught on a warm summers day, while the more cautious souls stand watch ready to vomit because watching creates more of a sensation then actually riding it. Watching myself in those teacups as a little girl remind me of how maybe loving someone or something is more of a choice then a feeling. I let "I love you's" slip because maybe I need to hear myself say it before feeling it but feeling it only lasts in seconds, it is a choice to want to love someone after they have hurt you. It was easier in those teacups, I was safe, just spinning around watching the world turn and not care whether or not I could see straight afterwards. There was freedom in the simplicity. That's the way it should be.