Nothing Places.

I swing on the back porch swing, with the cold autumn breeze circling around me like a whirlpool catching the leaves as I accelerate while I crunch them as they swirl closer to me,then the chains lock above me, and I am still once again. I intended to catch up on some reading and enjoy some fresh autumn air while doing it, however the air had something else in it for me than that. I reached an understanding with myself in regards to my happiness. Lately I feel more quick to anger and slow to understanding, and well happiness can't keep up with either. Happiness is a choice they say, and i believe them, but when I feel like I have to discipline my self to be happy, thats when I buy a ticket to a foreign land and pretend like I enjoy being lonely. It always starts in my head, travels downstream and lands in  the heart which builds up ,from the damns I have made in the past, so then it proceeds to my chest and sits there, rather rests there. My reservoirs aren't as empty as they used to be so the build up tends to be heavier these days, I guess I haven't opened them up as much as I have built new ones. It's hard when I get in those places. It is a mix between mental paralyzation and emotional merry-go-round. the waters drain as they please, but that seems to be taking more and more time lately, maybe it's global warming of the heart, minus the warming.

I sit silently with discretion to minimize the demise of my mind but the weight left too much of a mark for a quick recovery. I don't know how they start, where they empty out into or how to prevent them, but the walls I put up don't hold them down, so for now I will invest in a safety vest and wish for the best. I am tired of these nothing places that start becoming something places. I feel like they are relentless murmurs reminding me of all the unforgiveness I have or the pain that hasn't been looked over yet. I need to learn how to hold my breath longer and none of this would be a problem.

-M

Perks.

The smiths: Asleep.

Enjoy and try not to fall asleep. HA. Had too.

-M