Smudges.

I could tell you all my secrets,
I could put you in them too,
Because this heart has many sidewalks that I like to trail through.
All these signs I come across,
never seem to phase me too,
Because  I look at them and wonder if your seeing them too.

I mark the spots that make still,
while kicking the rocks that hurts our heels,
Because I walk on the sides of my feet and I tend to fall into feel.
I will hike these many side streets,
to alert my sense of direction,
in case there is any middle ground with this that we could surrender too.

I have smelt the spring air,
and let the pollen fall into my hair,
Because if I couldn't be aware of the grounds I walk upon, then I might as well not care.
I have carried all this with me,
to insure we could grow our own,
Because to me all these smudges,
were once a picture of home.

-M

Sand.

Time is of the essence when time is nothing but a blink of an eye, or a flick of a wrist, or a dance of the twist. 

Somtimes I cry in Front of mirrors in the hope of conFronting the truth behind those tired eyes. 

Shots were fired and struck me like a bird in the middle of hunting season, except I limped to safer ground, to a shelter I made for myself when I lost control of who I let in my life, because I was no longer aloud to choose but aloud to except.

So I limped; quietly, painfully, and quickly. 

I sought cover in the lowest of valleys and looked for help in the wildest of animals but nothing and no where could hide me or heal me. 

Day by Day I seek the day with hesitation and caution, while letting the night swell over me like a piece of rubbish in the pacific. There's no comfort in the changing winds, there's no warmth in the sunrises, and I float along being aware of my clipped side and letting the world speak for me. 

Is it the voices around me that sink me? Or the crashing of the waves that piece me?

Questions are settled and peace is brought upon me but still my mind raises above the heavens and soars above his knowledge above his answers and above is power.

Maybe I have forgotten that I am just a grain of sand; powerless, replaceable and restless in the wind.

I awaken with the forgotten hope of yesterday and shake off the truth of today with a punch of insecurity as the blood rushes from my heart to my mind I make a decision to fight him rather than listen to him.

I have never been good at long distance so I place with the others, not realizing that he created the others and lives above the others, in order to help me re-categorize him because he isn' the same. 

-M

I cry in front of mirrors.

I didn’t know I put you there.

Maybe that’s why every time I look for you somewhere else I can’t find you.

And everytime I hear her name I wanna reclaim you, but theres nothing to reclaim but my own awareness.

I couldn’t begin to try to go back and rearrange you because I am not too good at my own interior design, better yet yours.

The more angry I get at you, the more excuses I make for us, for what we had, for what we didn’t’ have and for what we will never have.

But here  I am, with you there, and as much distance there is, I can’t seem to separate you from my thoughts, and I don’t know if I want too.

And maybe that’s going to hurt me, maybe that’s going to cause me to evict you from there, but I went there and put you there and I don’t want to get rid of you.

So I will listen to her name and I will hear about your smiles and maybe one day I will be the one making you smile, but as long as your smiling, I will smile and I will find someone to smile with.

Just know I did put you there, I put you there first. 

-M

Passion.

" The Heart has her reasons about which the Mind knows nothing,"

-Blaise Pascal.

-M

Pangea.

I follow white fences hoping to find the home where you lay down your effortless head,
White circling the ,moon with the tip of my thumb knowing your staring at the same night.
This may be a second or maybe a year but life has it's moments of listening ears, so follow my heart, it'll be safe in its home, I made a pallet for you, there will be no sleeping alone.
I left the light on there so you wouldn't lose your way, look for the small door in the corner,with no open sign just a knob, on one side, but don' let your curiosity kill my cat because once your glanced there might be no going back.

I wish you knew my thoughts there circling around and with every breath I feel unfound, the funny thing is you look right at me, and my heart turns to dusk just from your eyes blinking like lighting in these starry night skies.

***

Ideas swirl round like inner tubes connecting improved floats on my brain waves, getting busted and torn up while entering my heart and I try to save them.
I want him to know me, not assume me, not guess me, know me.
My heart gets in the way because my habit of knowing is not true, knowledge is something I achieve at not reveal at and I can't help but make excuses for my bad habits because thats in my nature.
I need to take a step back and look and feel and learn, but isn't that what I have been doing? Haven't I known all along that it would come to this and that the small pieces of crust you cut off when I was just a little girl were to protect, to nurture, to prevent?
These waves only increase over time and before any of us know anything anymore they will be covering landscapes created years ago when pangea was still in effect and you had to raise animals not beat them.
Time to time to time we walk along paths that gave a little more obedience and a little less doubt, where does that leave us, where does any of this leave us.
Unsettled, inpatient, and alone.
So pick up your crumbs my friends and follow me into the promise land.
-M