Chances.

I never was good at saying no. Listening to my heart has gotten me this far that I might as well follow its lead. I prepared my heart for this, for the imperceptible electric energy that only bystanders can sense but  can not warn because the force alone blinds those affected by it. The second you said my name, I feel back into you. How foolish I was to think I could tell my heart no. The distance made it easier, I didn't see you, talk to you, hear about you, so to me there was no you. But there you were standing on my friends back porch, with your denim shirt and your cheeky smile, I had no where to run but back into you. We kept our hearts at a distance for insurance purposes and but sacrificed our souls because kissing you kept me connected even if only for a minute, I could feel your heart. I never knew I could fall for someone so deeply in a month. I guess I thought it was possible, but the distance you have to dig to pull me out usually sends most people straight to the hospital for exhaustion. You made it seem flawlessly simple and still kept me around. I questioned you on everything, because I didn't trust you. I guess the thought of this expiring soon in the back of my head made me think it was in the back of yours too, but it wasn't. You were living in the moment and that lead me to live with you there, and what I found in those places were happiness, and peace. I just wanted you no matter what you were feeling, I knew holding you outside on my front porch was what I was looking for in the moment and that was enough. Those moments have passed and been made into memories but as you readjust into melbourne and as I try to find a new normal we took a risk and found ourselves loving each other across seas. I hold your words like they are the world, and imagine you holding me while saying them. Fear swarms my mind like bees to a nest but fear has never won and will not win now. My strength is too experienced to be pulled apart know, I just need to remember that on these summer nights and begin to face reality and know that you can exist in it. Day by day I will walk with you because I like you enough to want to love you.


-M