I fall back in your arms because it is tangible, instant security. Real? With every deep sigh I take I can only hope so. He doesn't love you the way I need him too. So I fall back in my chair facing the sun because I can't face the fear of losing him. I have come so far, seen too much, and felt so deeply. You would think foolishness decreases the older you get but it's quite the opposite. You learn just enough to know how to drown out the truths, build up the walls, and fake the happiness. But I am happy, I just don't know if its real or generated. I am on a seesaw of emotions and I just can't seem to find any solid ground to land on. I know this dance very well but I refuse to let go of his hand. The blood rushes through his hands and reach the tip of mine but mine or frozen shut due to all the past lies. Breathe, he tells me. Trust, he whispers. Sometime I just feel like I have seen to much to accept this kind of love.
-M
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