Turkey.

 Now that all the cooked thanksgiving turkeys are gobbled away, I decided that I couldn't get enough of the bronze- feathered poultry bird, so I decided today that I am going turkey, cold turkey that is.
I started smoking cigarettes about 5 months ago in an effort to identify with my lost generation, however it somehow committed identity theft and stole my identity along the way.
Its true when people say that marijuana is a gateway drug. She doesn't invite you in to sample new drugs but mary jane has some friends that tend to hang around with her. So stick around long enough and you will meet them. I started smoking weed this summer to individualize myself from my family, well thats what I tell people when they find out, but truly I did it to ease the current transition going on in my life and find some outlet to hide from all my pain. Smoking weed started becoming a ritual for me, my friends and I would hangout, grab some food, smoke the bong then well do whatever seemed appetizing at the time. In moments of sobriety I would question myself but the triggers of life kept pushing me farther away from any solid truth and I let it. I thought it was a temporary high, no pun intended, and I knew that I would sober up from the idea but soon enough I would realize that only I can make the decision to stop and not depend on anyones help, because I wouldn't listen. Soon after I started buying my own weed I started smoking cigarettes, trust me I KNOW there is a HUGE difference, but the reality is, is that it still is an addiction no matter when or where or why you smoke them. I didn't take smoking them to seriously because I knew I could control my own intake of them. My reasoning was " I choose to buy the packs, I choose to smoke them or not," Seems pretty kosher right? Well that would have worked out nice if half of my friends didn't smoke them as well. I do tend to be swayed quite gracefully by peoples actions, and even though I am an adult and can make my own decisions, I still base mine of my friends and thats something I am working on. It took a scan of a young, drugged out, glimmering audience ,at a concert, to help me uncover the impostor I have let run my emotional and  spiritual life the last few years and I wanted out.

When I came back I decided that despite the loss I might experience with quitting smoking weed and cigarettes  I know the gain I will experience will be where I want to be and where God wants me to be. So friends as you read this I hope judgement or pity won't come upon your hearts but strength and courage will be superseded by those thoughts and prayer is always welcomed.

p.s today is the first day. one day at a time, one day at a time.

-M