I left friendships that were fruitful and I gained awareness of love that was dormant and now is alive and settled. One moment I was sitting in my dorm slurping my midnight snack of easy mac and contemplating whether or not I should finish tomorrow's homework assignments, the next moment I am writing in a house, once visited for shorter visits and for different reasons, crying myself to sleep, but really crying so I can make sense of all this life I have lived. When I was little I thought school, friendships, houses were as easy to acquire as a warm bowl of easy mac, society told me that as long as I believed it could happen, it would. Well society double crossed me, and left out all the difficulties I would have to face to get there. There are instances when I let myself think, " Would I have been okay to stay at Lee and finish school?" But the reality of the question sets in and I defend myself with saying " No." The truth is that I will never know and never knowing is okay with me, because we make decisions for ourselves based on the currents circumstances and whether or not that was the best decision, it was one I made for myself and I will prosper and grow and live out the best of that decision as I can, to make a life that is still dreamt in day dreams and read in fictional, New York Time's bestseller novels.
Leaving Lee has brought so many good things my way; my sister, lucy, california, self restoration, and a deep sense of God's love that I knew existed but never could let myself feel. I am proud of the person I have become, that I have fought for, and deciding to go to california and find more of myself there seems like the best decision considering the circumstances. I trust God and I trust family, now let me trust myself.
-M
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