Time-bombs.

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you
And covers you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am


- The Fray


I have these times where I am going about my life laughing, staring longingly at the TV thinking about what is next on my agenda, knowing all along that I am in control of my emotional spills and drops. But what I didn't calculate in was that I gave that up 5 years ago when I lost the only thing that kept me going about my day laughing. 

 Tonight I had a spoonful of one of my favorite suspenseful, mid-week, shows called Criminal Minds. It had all my favorite details; the emotional attachments, the blood, the suspenseful climax, and the happy ending, but what I didn't expect was the song that was played during the last scene. It somehow pulled apart all the straightening I had done in the last year and all that was left were tear stained hands and a broken heart. I don't remember my mom as much as i used too, so when I hear a song that makes me think of her, it unfortunately breaks my heart. 
So I cried, then I replayed the song to cry some more, then I stopped because I had to get up to get a tissue. There is no right or no wrong, but to know that at a split second a song can pull me out of this realistic, never ending, day by day stance can be quite alarming. Now what this means no one can know, but what it means to me is that no matter where I go, no matter what I do, know matter who I become, My mom is more than the maker of my DNA, she is a part of me, a surprising time-bomb that explodes at the most insincere moments during the most mundane times and is buried beneath all the hard days work, ready to welcome me home. 
When I am still I know I am with you.
-M