Since I could remember I was of the insecure nature, yet what girl on the face of planet earth isn't? I never saw myself worthy of attention, worthy of love, or worthy of friends. So I padlocked my heart and put up one-way mirrors so people thought they were seeing me, but really I was Jedi-mind tricking them into believing that. I put up my Berlin Wall to separate mind from heart, there was no communicating done between the two.
I wish I had recognized the construction earlier.
I am a broken mess. I fear more than the average white, american, 19 old girl.
I dream harder than a 20 year old on heroine and I hold my breath in an effort for death.
I am scared of the future. CORRECTION, I am scared of living in the future, if the present is this disturbing. I walk around projecting my stuff onto everyone else, in effort to find peace but instead I find more brokenness in effort to heal mine.
Like now, even though I only have one faithful follower, Ahem... I still need to project my pain out there. Hoping that someone has some knowledge of why life feels so empty and useless.
I need to find my peace, find my heart and stare straight at it and say " Stop musing around with foolish feelings."
I now see why people do drugs.
-M
your insecurities are only the reflection of the world's one way mirror. the world is your fun house of mirrors, and it projects unworthiness onto you, but I am going to help you find the exit. you don't need mirrors at all. you see yourself, especially now, for what you actually are. and you don't know how you will change in the future, but that's alright. the future's all the way in the future. :) and like everything else we can't handle right now, it's God's.
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