Today would be my mom’s 60th birthday, but its not. I don’t know if I was more upset at the fact I forgot about her birthday or that its happening. The past celebrations, christmas, easter, birthdays, I have all recognized and mentally prepped myself for whatever amount of pain wants to come my way. I forgot this one. I was meddling in the music building with my friend Marisa when I saw it. I was staring April 5th straight in the face and it still took ,at least, 10 seconds to recognize the significance in it. I couldn’t believe it, “of course,” I quietly whispered to myself, so I thought. My friend Marisa quizzically staring at me said “ What are you saying? Whats of course?” “Well," I said "Its my mom’s birthday tomorrow.” Marisa being the assertive soul she is quickly translated that into a awkward, sad occasion where she felt the need to give hug, or at least a frown, which was nice. I can’t feel much of anything anymore. My knees are weak and my head decided to take a hiatus, which I guess is appropriate considering I haven’t been working it much, my heart has been taking most shifts these days. I seem as though I have been playing a nice game of operation on myself but all I am getting is the zapping. I need someone to hit me, or love me, or leave me. I have love in the form of a boy, and I have pain in the form of unworthiness and I have abandonment in the form of death. So I guess I need to take one for the team and breath.
Love You Mom, You always Are my Dancing Queen.
-M
I guess since I won't hit you or leave you, I'm left to love you.
ReplyDeleteNever forget you also have love in the form of a girl.
I can't wait to get home and give your heart the day off as often as possible.
xoxo
I do girl, I love you.
ReplyDeleteYea I can't wait either. <3