No Pain, More Gain.

To pretend that life would be fulfilling with no complications, is foolish.

But to state that a life filled with pain is fulfilling, is just ignorant.

I want to grow.

I want to be educated emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. 

I want to be a good friend, girlfriend, sister, mother, grandmother and daughter, but I don't want to die before I accomplish all of these things.

My mom did.

She died believing a lie that she was going to be healed.

That the life she was living was a testament of her faithfulness to you, a testament that was reversed when you decided it was time for her to go.

I know its not my life, and you give us free will that you don't mess with,

 So we skip over cracks and hold our breath while crossing railroad tracks because no matter the precautions we take to please you, you still will have the last say.

So I will bow and try to wipe the tears from my eyes because we have to much history for me to give up on you now.

But know that as much as I have no choice in the matter, I still have a choice to feel betrayed, because I do and I am not a foreigner to this land anymore, but I still feel just as lost as ever before.

By the way,

 I can't help but think that for once in my life, this pain will have no gain.

-M