I take a sip of something poison.

This song gets my heavy spirited self up, and going in the early morning. I hope it gets your mind buzzing and feet jumpin' the same way it does for me.

 My self-awareness has been watermarking my very existence the last few days.

Sometimes I wish all the mind spinning would stop vomting, I think it is moving too fast.

Btw, This is a free download on itunes. ;).

-M

Ring of fire.

My heart is sore,

my spirits poor.

My love is empty,

my hate is full.

My eyes are leaky,

my mouth is dry,

my body is running on fearful fuel.

My mind sets on fire when my dad tells me about shopping for an engagement ring.

That is what happens, right?

You decide to get married, you buy a ring and then get married.

It's a symbol of a promise. 

A promise made when your heart agrees with your head.

But how do you rearrange your heart, more so, your priorities?

Practice makes perfect I suppose.

Well bloody freaken' hell

-M

Bluebirds.

You flew away,

I said " Good day,"

and checked the weather channel.

I swallowed worms,

to hide the germs,

that were left from your white lies.

Having little power

can build feathered towers,

that no man can ever pluck.

We vomited up promises to survive,

And carved holes in wood,

 to provide,

 a shelter from this love mock-up.

So I am leaving behind,

all the things I can find,

that made us want to fly,

And I hide away

in my wood clay,

wishing "We" would just decay.

 -M

FUTURE FUN-FESTS.

This is when teleportation is needed.

-M

Belief: Outcomes.

Ya know the feeling of feeling alone in a room full of people?

Well ladies and gentlemen, I do.

I feel as though that my happiness depends on outcomes and my belief in happiness is dissenting.

Belief in all things determines the outcomes, but does belief parallel faith?

It must be too separate deities because if faith determines the outcomes, then I am a liar.

Lie: I can handle this.

Truth(God): You can't, I can though.

(sigh)

Maybe One day when God wrangles me into him, I won't be such a stubborn bull, because this loneliness is unnecessary, but my pain feels like a defense, rather than an attack.

I am tired of crying outwardly about  things that are misplaced because of my misplaced feelings. 

I feel like settling on my pain, rather than fighting it because I am letting too much slip away, like love.

And we all know that Love is all We Need. Good one.

-M

No Pain, More Gain.

To pretend that life would be fulfilling with no complications, is foolish.

But to state that a life filled with pain is fulfilling, is just ignorant.

I want to grow.

I want to be educated emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. 

I want to be a good friend, girlfriend, sister, mother, grandmother and daughter, but I don't want to die before I accomplish all of these things.

My mom did.

She died believing a lie that she was going to be healed.

That the life she was living was a testament of her faithfulness to you, a testament that was reversed when you decided it was time for her to go.

I know its not my life, and you give us free will that you don't mess with,

 So we skip over cracks and hold our breath while crossing railroad tracks because no matter the precautions we take to please you, you still will have the last say.

So I will bow and try to wipe the tears from my eyes because we have to much history for me to give up on you now.

But know that as much as I have no choice in the matter, I still have a choice to feel betrayed, because I do and I am not a foreigner to this land anymore, but I still feel just as lost as ever before.

By the way,

 I can't help but think that for once in my life, this pain will have no gain.

-M

6-1-11/9-5-11.

<3 SUMMER.

-M